Last night I didn't get to write my blog because the dog came into the house while we were out and "decorated" the dining room table. The dog is still alive, because I am practicing love and forgiveness in all of my relationships, be it with man or beast :)
Even though I didn't post, I did read and had originally planned to condense the two entries together today to keep myself on schedule. But after I let this reading sit for a day, I decided I really wanted to write about it on its own.
The lesson was about prayer, which is by far the biggest conversation we have and (at least I will admit) the one conversation most often avoided or overlooked. And while I found all of the chapter was a good read (relevant and useful) there was one part of the passage that was stuck in my mind all day today.
In one section of the reading, the author instructs us to pray to God with confidence. If we don't think God can help us, why are we bothering to ask Him? Pray knowing that God can change the circumstance or situation.
...Mmm hmm. Got it. Pray with confidence...yada yada yada...
"As you ask, remember that it is not your job to protect God's reputation. Some stop asking because they feel embarrassed for God when the answers don't come at exactly the time or in the manner in which we would like them to come."
...BAM! Whoa. Guilty party here!...
I really do believe in the power of prayer. But I would be lying if I said that I have been given everything I asked for. Some things I have fervently prayed for and the answer was still 'No.' So in light of this, I have tweaked what I consider prayer-worthy material, or I will pray for the big item only once. That way, if it doesn't happen, I can lie to myself that God must have overlooked it in the jumble of my requests or I can make the excuse that I didn't pray hard enough and that's why it didn't happen.
Today, I was talking to my daughter in the car and the truth about "unanswered prayers" suddenly hit me. It is a simple story, and stems from a scenario I am sure is similar to many stories I have discussed on this blog before. Sammi was saying that she was hungry for a snack and I asked her what she would like me to fix her when we got home. The rest of the conversation basically went like this:
Sammi: Can I have some fruit snacks.
Me: No, babe. You already had some today in your lunch box.
Sammi: Can I have some candy?
Me: No, we will get lots of candy this weekend. How about a healthy snack?
Sammi: Cheetos??
Me: No, Sam, Cheetos are a treat. They are not healthy.
Sammi: Wah! Boo hoo hoo!
When I pray, I am a lot like my four-year-old. If the answer isn't 'yes,' then I don't understand it. I am also likely to pout or cry. But what I need to accept, as a grown adult who has (hopefully) matured beyond that of my preschooler, is that when the answer is 'no' it really is in my best interest.
Sammi doesn't get her junk food or treats because I as her mother love her and am trying to direct her to the good that will come from eating a nutritionally balanced meal which helps her grow big and healthy and strong. Sammi only hears 'No.'
Sometimes when I ask God for something, He says no because it is not healthy for me in the big picture. I only hear 'No.' And then... Wah! Boo hoo hoo! What I need to hear is 'I love you. This is not my plan for you. I want to redirect you to the path that will help you grow big and healthy and strong.'
So my new prayer tactic? Pray for everything. Pray multiple times for the things that matter most to me. Praise God when the answer is 'yes'--because He is the giver of all good things. Praise God when the answer is 'no'--because that means there is something better waiting for me.
Friday, October 28, 2011
Wednesday, October 26, 2011
A New Kind of Honesty
This post is going to have to be "the little entry that could" because I have a whole bunch of odds and ends I need to get done before tomorrow morning and not a lot of time to do them in, and I am working really hard on letting my yes's be yes...so the blog is taking the backseat tonight. But none-the-less, I read an interesting point and I wanted to make sure that I shared it with you.
When I first read the title, I anticipated that we would be talking about honesty as we've always known it. i.e. Telling the truth is good. Telling a lie is bad. Well, that was still the overarching message, but the author put an interesting spin on what truth is and what lies are. In general, people think about lies as bad, nasty, and mean. Truths are shiny, pure, and right. But the author mentioned that neglecting to tell someone a hard truth and covering it up with a white lie (or completely ignoring/avoiding the situation altogether)is just as harmful.
That means that when someone acts like a grade-A jerk, we should confront them about it in a loving way rather than telling them we are fine and trying to work through it on our own time. I don't do that.
That means when something is weighing on our mind, we need to share it instead of harboring it. I don't do that either.
And that means that if something will be uncomfortable to say and is bound to start an argument, it is better to say it than to lie in order to avoid a confrontation. I certainly don't do that!
And while it's hard to accept, it also makes a lot of sense. The sentence from the reading tonight that struck me was this one: "Whether a little white lie or a blantantly selfish deceit, we cave in to dishonesty because we'd rather not give the conversational time and energy it would take to be honest." Basically, when you tell someone "I'm fine" when you're not, you are really saying "I don't feel like you are worth my time or energy right now." Let that sit with you for a minute...
I truly believe that a big majority of lies that people tell are not told with the intention to hurt anyone else, but with the intention of helping the lie-teller. Whether to promote that person or make them seem more cool or to help them avoid starting a nasty conversation--or a hard one. But no matter the reason for the lie, it is still a lie. Therefore, it is bad, nasty, mean...
Now one bit I disagree with the author on here, I really do think there are exceptions to this rule.
To all the fellas:
If the woman in your life asks you if the outfit she's wearing makes her look fat, the answer is always NO!!!
If your wife burns a supper, you eat it like it is the best thing you've ever tasted, and when she asks you if it tastes alright, you say YES!!!
(I'm sure there might be a few others here, and if you can think of any, be sure to add them for me!)
When I first read the title, I anticipated that we would be talking about honesty as we've always known it. i.e. Telling the truth is good. Telling a lie is bad. Well, that was still the overarching message, but the author put an interesting spin on what truth is and what lies are. In general, people think about lies as bad, nasty, and mean. Truths are shiny, pure, and right. But the author mentioned that neglecting to tell someone a hard truth and covering it up with a white lie (or completely ignoring/avoiding the situation altogether)is just as harmful.
That means that when someone acts like a grade-A jerk, we should confront them about it in a loving way rather than telling them we are fine and trying to work through it on our own time. I don't do that.
That means when something is weighing on our mind, we need to share it instead of harboring it. I don't do that either.
And that means that if something will be uncomfortable to say and is bound to start an argument, it is better to say it than to lie in order to avoid a confrontation. I certainly don't do that!
And while it's hard to accept, it also makes a lot of sense. The sentence from the reading tonight that struck me was this one: "Whether a little white lie or a blantantly selfish deceit, we cave in to dishonesty because we'd rather not give the conversational time and energy it would take to be honest." Basically, when you tell someone "I'm fine" when you're not, you are really saying "I don't feel like you are worth my time or energy right now." Let that sit with you for a minute...
I truly believe that a big majority of lies that people tell are not told with the intention to hurt anyone else, but with the intention of helping the lie-teller. Whether to promote that person or make them seem more cool or to help them avoid starting a nasty conversation--or a hard one. But no matter the reason for the lie, it is still a lie. Therefore, it is bad, nasty, mean...
Now one bit I disagree with the author on here, I really do think there are exceptions to this rule.
To all the fellas:
If the woman in your life asks you if the outfit she's wearing makes her look fat, the answer is always NO!!!
If your wife burns a supper, you eat it like it is the best thing you've ever tasted, and when she asks you if it tastes alright, you say YES!!!
(I'm sure there might be a few others here, and if you can think of any, be sure to add them for me!)
Tuesday, October 25, 2011
Connection Between the Mouth and Heart
Keeping on the topic of conversation, today the book centered on the verse Matthew 12:34-"Out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks." This means that what I am feeling will affect what I say, and in turn, what I say will affect how I feel.
Tonight the lesson spoke to me pretty deeply, because I was having a truly rough day in the parenting department. Both of my kids are always full of energy, they are both highly independent, and they are both so stinkin' stubborn. (Thanks a lot, Daddy.) And while I am thrilled with the fact that they are both such capable, driven little people, they are a pain in the backside to discipline.
"Jack don't climb on that. Jack, you need to let Mommy help you buckle. No, Son, you cannot have a "lolli" at 7:30am. Bubba, that is not a ball." (Or maybe you can relate better to some of these.) "Samantha, sweetheart, that outfit doesn't match and your pants are on backwards. Sammi, you need to let Mommy fix your hair. Sambug, please put your brother down. No!No!Sammi! Mommy will take Bubba out of the crib. Child, you need to eat real food...no, fruit snacks are not real food."
None of these were examples of blatantly disobeying the rules, so you can only imagine what that is like...
But in case you are not too good with creative imaginings, let me give you two real examples from today:
1. Tonight Jack decided he wanted to take a bath with his sister, right after I had gotten him dried off and ready for bed...completely clothed in fleece pajamas.
2. Sammi has had a bit of a runny nose lately. Tonight, I guess she couldn't find a Kleenex, so she took the bottom of my shirt and blew her nose right into it. Then later, I found her picking her boogers and wiping them all over the furniture.
Suffice it to say, I am frazzled the majority of my day. And unfortunately, my words usually end up reflecting the way I feel. I think it is not so much the words I say as it is my volume and my tone that are getting the better of me. Right now I am always on high alert and in a constant state of stress--it is just the nature of the circumstance we are in right now. My mind is going a million miles a minute all of the time thinking about what I need to get done in the house, where I need to drive the kids to, who I said we would call for a playdate today, where in the world I could have put that (take your pick of missing object), what in the world the kids are getting into, why Sammi is screaming this time, what Jack must have fallen off of to make him cry like that---I could go on and on and on.
Sometimes, I feel like there is so much on my plate that I could just sit down and cry. Usually, though, I don't do that. I truck on through my day and let all of the franticness settle inside me...until the kids misbehave. Then KABOOM! All of the pent up emotions explode out of me and right onto them.
I don't want to yell at them. It just happens. But have you noticed how once you yell your frazzled feelings actually turn to anger? I promise you, at one point today I yelled at Sammi for pulling flower petals off of the flowers in a vase and scattering them all over the carpet in her room and by the end of it I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to have to drink a glass of wine at 2:30 in the afternoon just to bring my blood pressure back down. (I didn't, but boy did I feel like it!)
So here is my prayer for myself. (And if you are a praying person, I would really appreciate it if you would adopt it as your prayer for me too.) When I am feeling frazzled and my children act out like all children are sure at some point to do, please God, let me step back from the situation--if only for the briefest moment-- to let myself take a few deep breaths. Please let the words that come from my mouth and the tone in which I say them always come from a controlled place. Never let what is intended to be corrective end up becoming destructive. And please help me always remember that I am teaching my children how to be like You through my example, both in the words I say and the way in which I say them. Let them never doubt how much I love them. Amen.
Tonight the lesson spoke to me pretty deeply, because I was having a truly rough day in the parenting department. Both of my kids are always full of energy, they are both highly independent, and they are both so stinkin' stubborn. (Thanks a lot, Daddy.) And while I am thrilled with the fact that they are both such capable, driven little people, they are a pain in the backside to discipline.
"Jack don't climb on that. Jack, you need to let Mommy help you buckle. No, Son, you cannot have a "lolli" at 7:30am. Bubba, that is not a ball." (Or maybe you can relate better to some of these.) "Samantha, sweetheart, that outfit doesn't match and your pants are on backwards. Sammi, you need to let Mommy fix your hair. Sambug, please put your brother down. No!No!Sammi! Mommy will take Bubba out of the crib. Child, you need to eat real food...no, fruit snacks are not real food."
None of these were examples of blatantly disobeying the rules, so you can only imagine what that is like...
But in case you are not too good with creative imaginings, let me give you two real examples from today:
1. Tonight Jack decided he wanted to take a bath with his sister, right after I had gotten him dried off and ready for bed...completely clothed in fleece pajamas.
2. Sammi has had a bit of a runny nose lately. Tonight, I guess she couldn't find a Kleenex, so she took the bottom of my shirt and blew her nose right into it. Then later, I found her picking her boogers and wiping them all over the furniture.
Suffice it to say, I am frazzled the majority of my day. And unfortunately, my words usually end up reflecting the way I feel. I think it is not so much the words I say as it is my volume and my tone that are getting the better of me. Right now I am always on high alert and in a constant state of stress--it is just the nature of the circumstance we are in right now. My mind is going a million miles a minute all of the time thinking about what I need to get done in the house, where I need to drive the kids to, who I said we would call for a playdate today, where in the world I could have put that (take your pick of missing object), what in the world the kids are getting into, why Sammi is screaming this time, what Jack must have fallen off of to make him cry like that---I could go on and on and on.
Sometimes, I feel like there is so much on my plate that I could just sit down and cry. Usually, though, I don't do that. I truck on through my day and let all of the franticness settle inside me...until the kids misbehave. Then KABOOM! All of the pent up emotions explode out of me and right onto them.
I don't want to yell at them. It just happens. But have you noticed how once you yell your frazzled feelings actually turn to anger? I promise you, at one point today I yelled at Sammi for pulling flower petals off of the flowers in a vase and scattering them all over the carpet in her room and by the end of it I was shaking so bad I thought I was going to have to drink a glass of wine at 2:30 in the afternoon just to bring my blood pressure back down. (I didn't, but boy did I feel like it!)
So here is my prayer for myself. (And if you are a praying person, I would really appreciate it if you would adopt it as your prayer for me too.) When I am feeling frazzled and my children act out like all children are sure at some point to do, please God, let me step back from the situation--if only for the briefest moment-- to let myself take a few deep breaths. Please let the words that come from my mouth and the tone in which I say them always come from a controlled place. Never let what is intended to be corrective end up becoming destructive. And please help me always remember that I am teaching my children how to be like You through my example, both in the words I say and the way in which I say them. Let them never doubt how much I love them. Amen.
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