Say no to hypocricy= recognizing the plank in your own eye
Say yes to integrity= removing the plank
It is not enough to merely see it and admit to it. We have to act in order to change it.
Toward the end of tonight's reading, there was the following verse:
"I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should." (Psalm 101:2)
Could there be a clearer prayer for a mother?!
I know there is no such thing as a "perfect parent," but oh, how I long to be one! I feel like all I ever talk about on this blog is my own parenting woes--but I am a stay at home mom with two strong-willed preschoolers, so that's what you get here at the crazy woman driver! And thus, another poor parenting saga begins...
Today was not a great day for me. It was no one person's fault in particular. I just had a bunch of little things sneak up on me and it was interfering with/ altogether ruining my plans. Needless to say, I was in a pretty testy mood. Thank goodness my children were on their best behavior today, until...
...not sure what possessed my daughter to do it, but she had 2 accidents tonight within an hour of eachother. I went off on her like a firecracker. She is four. We should be over this by now.
I was so infuriated, I didn't know what to do with myself--or her. I made her hop into the shower and I did my best to clean the mess while at the same time making sure her brother didn't run right into the middle of it. I am not exactly sure what I said to Sammi as I was talking to her. I just know that whatever it was, it was said very loudly.
By the time the kid and the clothes and the bathmat and the floor(s) were all cleaned up, my throat hurt really badly...but not as much as my heart. I hate it when I let my anger get the best of me. And I really, really hate it when I take my anger out on my kids.
I should be over that by now.
After I made myself calm down, I apologized to Sammi (once again) and let her know that even though I was very disappointed, I should not have yelled at her like I did. Sammi, being the incredibly intuitive little lady that she is, asked me, "Mommy, sometimes do you get so angry that the yell just has to come out?"
There is a time to yell. When you are at a sporting event. When you are cheering for someone on a stage. When you are in a crowded room and need to get a group's attention. When your dog is chasing a rabbit through the neighborhood. When your child is running away from you into the street... but I shouldn't always let myself get so angry that "the yell just has to come out."
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Dear Heavenly Father,
I will try to walk a blameless path, but how I need your help, especially in my own home, where I long to act as I should.
Amen.
Saturday, November 5, 2011
Friday, November 4, 2011
Say No to Hypocrisy
On Day 2 of the judgement section, we are told that the first step toward becoming less judgemental is to stop focusing on the speck in another person's eye while overlooking the plank in your own. (Matthew7:4-5) Translation: check yo'self before you wreck yo'self.
There were two statements made in tonight's reading that stuck out to me and made me think about how I am being hypocritical to both my children and my friends.
The first 'aha' moment came when Holladay writes, "Hypocrisy is saying to our kids, 'Do as I say and not as I do.'"
As simple and silly as it is, I felt a big lump in my throat (and maybe even my belly) because I have been getting onto Sammi so much for diving into the holiday candy stash without my permission. I keep most of the candy in a basket on top of the refrigerator but recently I got a couple of seasonal candy dishes from the dollar store and filled them with loose candies like M&M's and candy corn. Anyway, first thing in the morning, she will scurry down the stairs and climb up onto a barstool to have her fill. Countless times I have corrected her and reminded her of my candy rules: 1. No candy until after lunchtime. 2. Always ask Mommy before you take candy from the dish. When my stern reminders do not produce the desired response, I then resort to yelling or send her to time out--or even (gasp!) throw a piece of the candy in the trash. All of this would be fine and dandy if only I would adhere to my own candy rules. Today while the kids were at their Mother's Day Out program, I had a handful of candy before lunchtime. Sammi did not eat a very big supper, so she was refused a candy for an after dinner treat. I, on the other hand, treated myself to another handful of candy right in front of her while cleaning the dishes. As foolish as it all sounds, the truth in the matter is this. I should not punish my children for rules that I myself am not willing to follow. And since I truly do not want my 4 year old binging on candy right when she wakes up that means I will need to get to work pulling the plank out of my eye---er, my hand out of the candy jar.
The second 'aha' came after reading this: "Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them." (Romans 12:9)
I am so very grateful for my friends. I love each and every one of them. And that is the honest to goodness truth. But after reading this, I caught myself thinking "but I love them with my emotions, and not always with my actions" and this just doesn't sit well with me. Whenever my friends reveal that they have a problem, I am very speedy to say "if you need anything, let me know." But they never let me know, and therefore, I don't do anything for them. And then this kind gesture becomes a mask I hide behind, purely for show with no substance to back it up. I always thought of hypocrisy as saying one thing and doing another, but after reading this verse, I am starting to realize that hypocrisy is also saying one thing and doing nothing. It would be better to say nothing at all.
Or if I want to take the loving approach (as would be ideal in the 40 Days of Love challenge) instead of saying "if you need anything..." I can say "Tell me what you need and I will get it for you." Or I could anticipate those needs and act without being asked. Instead of saying, "I'm praying for you" I could say "Do you mind if I pray with you?"
So here I stand before you, confessing that I am a hypocrite, and pledging to change my ways. I solemnly vow that tomorrow, I shall not take anything from the candy dish until after I have eaten a hardy, healthy lunch. I also vow to not hide behind cliched statements of care/concern and that I will support these claims with bonafied, genuine loving actions.
There were two statements made in tonight's reading that stuck out to me and made me think about how I am being hypocritical to both my children and my friends.
The first 'aha' moment came when Holladay writes, "Hypocrisy is saying to our kids, 'Do as I say and not as I do.'"
As simple and silly as it is, I felt a big lump in my throat (and maybe even my belly) because I have been getting onto Sammi so much for diving into the holiday candy stash without my permission. I keep most of the candy in a basket on top of the refrigerator but recently I got a couple of seasonal candy dishes from the dollar store and filled them with loose candies like M&M's and candy corn. Anyway, first thing in the morning, she will scurry down the stairs and climb up onto a barstool to have her fill. Countless times I have corrected her and reminded her of my candy rules: 1. No candy until after lunchtime. 2. Always ask Mommy before you take candy from the dish. When my stern reminders do not produce the desired response, I then resort to yelling or send her to time out--or even (gasp!) throw a piece of the candy in the trash. All of this would be fine and dandy if only I would adhere to my own candy rules. Today while the kids were at their Mother's Day Out program, I had a handful of candy before lunchtime. Sammi did not eat a very big supper, so she was refused a candy for an after dinner treat. I, on the other hand, treated myself to another handful of candy right in front of her while cleaning the dishes. As foolish as it all sounds, the truth in the matter is this. I should not punish my children for rules that I myself am not willing to follow. And since I truly do not want my 4 year old binging on candy right when she wakes up that means I will need to get to work pulling the plank out of my eye---er, my hand out of the candy jar.
The second 'aha' came after reading this: "Don't just pretend that you love others. Really love them." (Romans 12:9)
I am so very grateful for my friends. I love each and every one of them. And that is the honest to goodness truth. But after reading this, I caught myself thinking "but I love them with my emotions, and not always with my actions" and this just doesn't sit well with me. Whenever my friends reveal that they have a problem, I am very speedy to say "if you need anything, let me know." But they never let me know, and therefore, I don't do anything for them. And then this kind gesture becomes a mask I hide behind, purely for show with no substance to back it up. I always thought of hypocrisy as saying one thing and doing another, but after reading this verse, I am starting to realize that hypocrisy is also saying one thing and doing nothing. It would be better to say nothing at all.
Or if I want to take the loving approach (as would be ideal in the 40 Days of Love challenge) instead of saying "if you need anything..." I can say "Tell me what you need and I will get it for you." Or I could anticipate those needs and act without being asked. Instead of saying, "I'm praying for you" I could say "Do you mind if I pray with you?"
So here I stand before you, confessing that I am a hypocrite, and pledging to change my ways. I solemnly vow that tomorrow, I shall not take anything from the candy dish until after I have eaten a hardy, healthy lunch. I also vow to not hide behind cliched statements of care/concern and that I will support these claims with bonafied, genuine loving actions.
Thursday, November 3, 2011
The Danger of Judgement
We are now entering the danger zone.
[insert siren sounds here]
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." (Matthew 7:1) That is the key verse for today's lesson. And it is the key verse to kick off a week's long discussion of judgement.
The question to consider today asks me if there are any places in my life where I tend to become judgemental of others.
Hmmm...let me think about this a minute...BIG FAT YES!
-As a mother, I am quick to judge other mothers. I think I have mentioned this before, so I will keep it brief. If I see you struggling to take care of your child, I am most likely concocting a laundry list in my mind of things you are doing wrong and ways I would be doing it better. Problem is, I am not a perfect mother either. I have had PLENTY of instances where my child/children have acted out and where there were plenty of witnesses with front-row seats to my hasty tactics and poor decisions. Guess this is the proof in the pudding of "you too will be judged."
-I am not a clean freak by any means. I have friends whose houses are so sterile you could conduct minor surgical operations in them...that is not my house. But I am quick to notice a mess. (If there is any saving grace to this, I am also quick to forgive the mess!) I don't know why; I just can't help it. I am so attuned to noticing the messes that I wrongly believe everyone else does too. And so I will spend many an evening and well into the night making sure the dishes are done, the graham cracker trail that my son has left has been swept up, the crust from the highchair is removed, etc. etc...in fact, as soon as I finish writing this blog, I will be mopping my floors because it is Thursday, and Thursday night is "mopping night."
But here's the kicker...me being so big about the messes is pretty darn hypocritical. Ask anyone who has lived with me in my childhood and they will tell you that I was a total slob! I remember my mom having to help me clean my room and it taking HOURS because we would have to fill 3 trash bags full of garbage from off of my floors before we could earn a place to put the other stuff that wasn't trash. When I was a teenager, I avoided doing the dishes for so long one time that maggots grew onto a skillet in the sink. True story! (DON"T YOU JUDGE ME!) I was not that much better when I moved in with my college roommates, either. Though I did not do as much damage in terms of creating messes, I still did not do my share when it came to keeping up the apartment. It was not until I started dating a boy that I decided I really wanted to be my husband when I figured I should start doing all those "womenly duties" to impress him. And since then, it is as if I clean in an effort to cover up the horrible mess-maker that I used to be. So yes, I am quick to judge as if I have never been there, but now you know that I have (which is likely what makes me so quick to forgive.)
-I am quick to judge military spouses who cheat on their husbands while they are deployed.
-I am quick to judge chatty women who only talk about other women.
-I am quick to judge people who turn everything into a complaint. If you are a chronic whiner, you don't get my listening ear...or my sympathy.
-I am quick to judge "name-droppers." For example, if you tell me that you live on Colonel row and take regular afternoon walks with Col Joe and his wife--you have been judged, lady.
-I am quick to judge people who have posted ANYTHING on the 'Col Joe Wants To Know' page. (Don't leave me hanging here. If you know what I'm talking about, then I know you do too!)
In all honesty, in your moment of weakness I am quick to judge you. And I think most other people are too. Why? Because in focusing on your weakness we are able to forget about all of ours, and thus, feel superior. This fuzzing feeling by no means makes the action right. It makes it even more wrong because we are pulling the wool over our own eyes.
And even as we all judge, we really all know that there is only one person who is perfect enough to be allowed to do so...and instead of condemning us, He died for us.
Time for me to start pulling the plank out of my own eye...
This could be a LONG week!
[insert siren sounds here]
"Do not judge, or you too will be judged." (Matthew 7:1) That is the key verse for today's lesson. And it is the key verse to kick off a week's long discussion of judgement.
The question to consider today asks me if there are any places in my life where I tend to become judgemental of others.
Hmmm...let me think about this a minute...BIG FAT YES!
-As a mother, I am quick to judge other mothers. I think I have mentioned this before, so I will keep it brief. If I see you struggling to take care of your child, I am most likely concocting a laundry list in my mind of things you are doing wrong and ways I would be doing it better. Problem is, I am not a perfect mother either. I have had PLENTY of instances where my child/children have acted out and where there were plenty of witnesses with front-row seats to my hasty tactics and poor decisions. Guess this is the proof in the pudding of "you too will be judged."
-I am not a clean freak by any means. I have friends whose houses are so sterile you could conduct minor surgical operations in them...that is not my house. But I am quick to notice a mess. (If there is any saving grace to this, I am also quick to forgive the mess!) I don't know why; I just can't help it. I am so attuned to noticing the messes that I wrongly believe everyone else does too. And so I will spend many an evening and well into the night making sure the dishes are done, the graham cracker trail that my son has left has been swept up, the crust from the highchair is removed, etc. etc...in fact, as soon as I finish writing this blog, I will be mopping my floors because it is Thursday, and Thursday night is "mopping night."
But here's the kicker...me being so big about the messes is pretty darn hypocritical. Ask anyone who has lived with me in my childhood and they will tell you that I was a total slob! I remember my mom having to help me clean my room and it taking HOURS because we would have to fill 3 trash bags full of garbage from off of my floors before we could earn a place to put the other stuff that wasn't trash. When I was a teenager, I avoided doing the dishes for so long one time that maggots grew onto a skillet in the sink. True story! (DON"T YOU JUDGE ME!) I was not that much better when I moved in with my college roommates, either. Though I did not do as much damage in terms of creating messes, I still did not do my share when it came to keeping up the apartment. It was not until I started dating a boy that I decided I really wanted to be my husband when I figured I should start doing all those "womenly duties" to impress him. And since then, it is as if I clean in an effort to cover up the horrible mess-maker that I used to be. So yes, I am quick to judge as if I have never been there, but now you know that I have (which is likely what makes me so quick to forgive.)
-I am quick to judge military spouses who cheat on their husbands while they are deployed.
-I am quick to judge chatty women who only talk about other women.
-I am quick to judge people who turn everything into a complaint. If you are a chronic whiner, you don't get my listening ear...or my sympathy.
-I am quick to judge "name-droppers." For example, if you tell me that you live on Colonel row and take regular afternoon walks with Col Joe and his wife--you have been judged, lady.
-I am quick to judge people who have posted ANYTHING on the 'Col Joe Wants To Know' page. (Don't leave me hanging here. If you know what I'm talking about, then I know you do too!)
In all honesty, in your moment of weakness I am quick to judge you. And I think most other people are too. Why? Because in focusing on your weakness we are able to forget about all of ours, and thus, feel superior. This fuzzing feeling by no means makes the action right. It makes it even more wrong because we are pulling the wool over our own eyes.
And even as we all judge, we really all know that there is only one person who is perfect enough to be allowed to do so...and instead of condemning us, He died for us.
Time for me to start pulling the plank out of my own eye...
This could be a LONG week!
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