The Twelve Things

A couple of days ago I had a few minutes of down time and didn't feel like doing anything productive with them, (much like the current moment!) so I decided to leaf idly through the pages of a devotional book I had received about two years ago. It's a book about motherhood, and while it is very cutesy I've never had the urge to read it through it before today.
Anyway, as I haphazardly flipped through the pages looking for little quotes to pop out at me, I discovered a challenge in the book to journal twelve things I like about myself and then offer a prayer of thanksgiving for those things and other good things I've received. I closed the book without giving much thought to the challenge right away. But over these 48 hours or so it kept sneaking into my brain.

I like myself. I don't think that is much of a secret. I have no problem sharing my opinions and I am pretty open about my faults and acheivements with whoever chooses to listen. But when you have to get specific, liking yourself gets a lot more difficult. (The list I will share will probably take you about five minutes to read, but it took me much, MUCH longer to compose it.)
I was a little iffy about posting this "why I love me and am so awesome" blog, because blogs are narcissistic enough to begin with, but I chose to share mine today in order to challenge you to do the same thing. I firmly believe that every now and again, there is nothing wrong with being proud of yourself. Lord knows we all give ourselves mental butt whoopings enough to earn the occasional affirmations!
----------------------------------------------------------
Twelve Things:

1. I am a good friend. I strive to be a friend I would like to have, and because of this, I feel like I have wound up with some pretty good ones in return.
2. I have a good sense of humor--one that has helped me laugh through hard times and in spite of them.
More importantly, my sense of humor makes happy times even more joyful.
3. I am intelligent. I am proud of the good sense God has given me, even if I don't always use it. I am happy that I have a mind that can question and challenge and solve.
4. I am talented. I write, I cook, I sing, I dance, I create, I run...
I should have my own reality show...just kidding ;)
I may not be the best in any given area but it is very fulfilling to feel capable. I am so thankful for the abilities God has blessed me with.
5. I am a loving mom. Every parent makes his/her share of mistakes, but if your children look at you and know without a doubt that you love them, you must be doing something right.
6. I am a loving wife. And though I often drive my husband completely crazy, as wives are apt to do, I am pretty sure he would vouch for me.
He's one of my favorite gifts.
7. I am a good gift-giver. This kind of goes hand in hand with being a good friend. If you listen closely enough to another person, you can anticipate his/her wants and needs.
(Exception: my husband's first anniversary gift. You will have to ask HIM if you want to hear that story!)
8. I am driven. I have achieved a lot and am not done yet. I am on the never-ending quest for self-improvement, and I believe growing in little and big ways helps to get you there.
9. I am resilient. Sometimes on the road to self-improvement, I've hit a few bumps. Other times, complete dead ends. But I have overcome many obstacles and have bounced back from some pretty big blows.
10. I am encouraging. I truly, truly want the people in my life to win. In all areas.
11. I am fun. If you need someone to look stupid for your amusement, I am your girl.
12. I am imperfect. Which means I have room to improve in all of the areas that I already like myself for--and then some.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thanksgiving:

Lord, thank you for my gray hairs
That pop up once in a while
They mark my days of blessings
And sophisticate my style.

Lord, thank you for my crooked teeth
Which help to justify
My daily coffee habit
And my love for good red wine.

Lord, thank you for my sweaty hands
Because as I have come to find
The people who love me the most
Hold tightly and don't mind.

Lord, thank you for my scars
And markings on my skin
Which remind me of my battles won
And of healing from within.

Lord, thank you for my children
Who fight, and yell, and scream
For as I grow my little ones
They're surely growing me.

Lord, thank you for my daughter
Who came to us by surprise
And has shown me what true sacrifice
And love mean through Your eyes.

Lord, thank you for my son--
My stubborn, headstrong boy--
Who even in frustration
Fills my heart with so much joy.

Lord, thank you for my husband
And for letting fools rush in
For in a time of recklessness
I found my truest friend.

Lord, thank you for the interviews
That didn't turn out right.
They've let me re-evaluate
And have shown me where to fight.

Lord, thank you for allowing me
To make my own mistakes.
Because clearly all the falling down
A stronger person makes.

Changes

I love the fall. It is by far my favorite season and has been for as long as I can remember. I love the smells and the colors. I love the crispness in the air that you can almost taste. I love football. (And maybe not the games as much as the prospect of tailgaiting and chip-laden gatherings, and beer!) I love cardigan sweaters and boots. I love apple cider and chicken pot pies. I love it all.
Being born and raised in Texas, I have always remembered fall as a bit of an anomaly when it comes to the weather. While the rest of the world has four seasons, Texas only has two: hot season and cold season. We may have about three whole weeks of "true fall weather" when all is said and done. Here in the Borderland, it may be even shorter than that. But when it does happen, it is so wonderfully perfect and I always look forward to it with much anticipation.
This evening my little family went out for a short walk and playtime around the neighborhood before supper. Pushing my son on his tricycle, I couldn't help but notice a change in the air. I'm not sure exactly what it was that made me think it--maybe the color of the sky, the cloud coverage over the mountains with the cool, gentle breeze, or the faint smell of home cooked meals pouring out of the surrounding neighborhood houses--but I felt fall today.
Of course we are nowhere near the real deal yet. Temperatures are still set to be in the upper-90s for the forseeable future, and though the Halloween decorations are already out in the stores, it is far from pumpkin patch time just yet. But tonight I let myself become enveloped in giddiness over the short-lived season that lies ahead.
This excitement totally escaped me last year. A year ago, I knew I was three weeks out from bidding my husband good-bye on our first deployment. I was dreading the signs of fall and hoping that September would never find me. The weeks before he left were filled with last minute visitors, appointments, major household errands, and late night conversations--mostly ending with me getting a bit overly-emotional about the whole ordeal. After the dreaded day had eventually come and gone, I jam-packed my children's and my own schedules so full of activities to keep us occupied that I hardly remembered to come up for air before Christmastime. Of course some nice memories were made between point A and point B, but for the most part, I had missed out on my favorite season....stupid deployment.
But what a difference a year can make! And praise God, in my case, a very happy difference. So hurry up, Fall. I'm ready and waiting for you this time :)

Paths Less Traveled

In case you are just now tuning in, I have quite the extensive list of new year's resolutions I'm working on...some are going much MUCH better than others. Anyway, one of my end-of-the-year goals is to enter a distance run (hoping for a half marathon, but that is yet to be determined at this point.) In keeping with that, I have been scheduling a lot more running into my weekdays.
I've been big into running since high school, falling on and off the wagon between trying college semesters and baby rearing, respectively. But most of the running I've done in the past has been for leisure. Of course, there were fitness goals intermixed, but for the most part I just enjoyed a chance to hear my feet hit the pavement, clear my head, and get a little lost in my own thoughts. I never really mapped out my routes or tracked my times. I just laced up my sneakers and went where the paths looked the most inviting.
That has changed a bit now. I usually throw my kids in childcare to head to the gym, and I am very aware of the amount of time I have to be on the treadmill if I want to squeeze in the rest of my workout. I am constantly checking time, distance, calories, heart rate--it's all a numbers game. If I am running at home, I have already mapped out my training route and know which sections I will use for interval runs, etc. I enjoy this type of running too, but it is very different and much more regimented than the runs I was used to before.
A few weeks ago, I put the kids in childcare and decided to do a quick run near my house. I headed toward my usual route to find it blocked by Military Police officiers barricading the entrance to parade field. Not wanting to call it quits, I made a sudden decision to turn into a neighborhood alongside and try to box my way around to get back on course.
What seemed like it would be a simple solution wound up getting me temporarily lost. It turns out that the neighborhood streets I had entered did not box around like I thought they would, but instead weaved in and out of different subdivisions. Though I generally knew where I was, I didn't know how to get out and I wasn't ready to backtrack. So instead, I decided to have a blast from my own past and just run. Giving up control of my route, I let myself be led by the winding sidewalks. I ran where the pathways looked the prettiest and went on a little mid-afternoon adventure exploring new places. Eventually, the sidewalks spit me out near the track of my usual route, but much further down it. I was able to take the track the rest of the way home. When I got back from my run, I checked my time and realized that I had gone farther than I ever had up to that point and I had completed it faster. I had accomplished much more than I ever had because I had let go of my plans and let myself get a little lost.

How true this is in all areas of our lives! We can miss out on so many beautiful opportunities because we feel like they are "not part of the plan." I have come to find that sometimes 'detours' ARE the plan. Some of the best things in my life came to me by accident--when my pathway was blocked or my original plan was compromised. Some of my biggest accomplishments happened because I agreed to temporarily let go of my own control over the situation and simply be led. Perhaps the pathways I took were not always the "prettiest." At times, I have certainly felt a little lost. But I have always come out to find the track that leads me home.

I feel like I am currently at a point in my life where so many major details are uncertain, up in the air, and pending the outcome of something else. Seems like a good time for me to quit worrying about details, stop trying to map the exact route, and just simply enjoy the run.