Owning Crazy

I think there are seemingly tiny moments in our life that burn bright and lasting in our memories.

One of those memories for me was from years ago, watching another woman on the treadmill at the gym.
I remember it so clearly, because we were the only two people on the cardio equipment that day (which is REALLY weird at an on-post gym.) She had chosen the machine in the front row, so I decided to take advantage of the extra space and chose a machine a couple rows behind her. I had the full intention of completely ignoring her that day---but y'all, she wouldn't let me.

I don't know if you've found this to be true for yourself, but I've decided that treadmills are about the loudest machines on the planet earth. There's no way to run with a dainty, light step on a treadmill. The thing whirs up, and you start running: Thud, thud, thud. If you're super lucky, you get one of the machines that rattles a little when you speed it up: Clickety-thud. Clickety-thud. Anyway, I must have landed on one of the winners, because I could tell the woman was pacing with me.
I would crank the thing up a little Beep, beep, beep! and she would answer a few seconds after me Beep, beep, beep! There was only two of us in there, but it sounded like a crazy herd of elephants on those treadmills THUD, THUD, THUD!!!

Now I'm not proud of it, but I admit I felt fully threatened by that lady on the treadmill. I was just trying to mind my own business and have a leisurely jog! How dare she try to compete with me?! Does she think she's going to BEAT ME?! Well, in that case...GAME ON, SISTER!! BEEP BEEP BEEP!!!
I refused to stop running before she did. That lady kept me on my toes for a solid ten minutes longer than I thought I could go. When she finally cranked down her machine for a cool down (with me following suit moments behind her,) she did the strangest thing...

She clapped. A lot. Like, several times.
Real big and loud over her head so I could see.

We never spoke a word to each other. Our entire interaction was race, clap, and leave. It was literally one of the most bizarre encounters I've ever had.

Basically, one of two things had happened here:
1. I imagined the entire "competition" and that lady just gave me a solid lesson about openly rooting for yourself.
2. I did not imagine the competition and that lady just gave me a solid lesson in pushing others past their comfort zones and cheering them on.
Either way, it was so wonderfully weird, I've never forgotten it.
***

Today will be another one of those tiny moments that burns bright for me.

You see, I started this blog in 2011 on a total whim. I maybe thought about it for a grand total of 15 minutes before I did it. I posted my first entry at 11:05 p.m.--which is confusing because I'm usually done being productive by about 6:30 every day. A whopping 19 people read it. It wasn't very good (for many, many reasons.)
Thankfully, I didn't realize it wasn't any good, so I kept on posting in it. Beep, clickety, thud...

My blog has been a spot for me to navigate thoughts about motherhood, deployments, moves, hopes and ambitions, simple musings, big scares, and maybe even a few identity crises. Seven years later, she's still here. I've had to knock the cobwebs off of her a few times, but I think she still shines up nicely.

It's a big day for my little blog. Maybe you noticed when you clicked on the link, but in case you missed it, look up at the web address.

See that?
The Crazy Woman Driver is finally legit!!
I'm so proud, I could clap really loudly over my head for everyone to see!

I have always had a hard time investing in myself. Always. For years I have basically been the girl positioned a few rows back trying to get some good work done, but not really trying to push myself or be seen. You know what it costs to own a domain? Twelve bucks.
Y'all, for seven years I had told myself that my thoughts weren't worth twelve bucks!! That is the level of self-doubt I was working with.
That is why this little entry is actually a big one.
That is why the weird, hand-clapping stranger is my champion (and probably why her lessons stuck after all these years.)

This flagship entry signifies so much more to me than simply writing under my dot-com. It's the day I rooted for myself. It's the day I pushed the girl I used to be past her comfort zone.
It's the day I finally owned my crazy :)

Who knows if that woman meant to clap for me or just herself. The fact is, she clapped for me anyway whether she meant to or not.
I don't know if there's something that you are hesitating to take on. I wish I could push that button for you to help you make the climb. I wish I could challenge you to do more than you thought you could. Friend, if I knew it would help, you better believe I would clap loudly all around you!!

I want you to own your moment too!
You are worth every bit of the investment.
Let's use little moments to do big things.
Beep, beep, beep!

Always cheering you on!!
Liz