The Dependent

Anyone who has spent even a small amount of time around military personnel knows that its professionals operate under their own distinct language. Just like any profession, there is a specific jargon unique to the military tradition and those who serve in it. But perhaps unlike other professions, this "work language" spills over into the speech patterns of those non-military service members who marry into the lifestyle.

Here are just a few examples:

duty station: (noun) constantly changing military instillation where the service member is assigned to work, and their families sometimes have to live.
ex: What is your current duty station? (Me:)The middle of nowhere, AK.

PCS: (Permanent Change of Station:) (verb) to move (noun) relocation
ex: We are planning to PCS this summer.* We are still replacing damaged goods from our latest PCS.
*One of the most spoken phrases in the military circle.

RFO: (Request for Orders:) (noun) document received before the official orders are released, containing information regarding an upcoming PCS. Usually details upcoming duty station and projected reporting date.*
*Subject to change and take 900 years to receive.
ex: I want to start planning for our PCS this summer, but we haven't even received our RFO.

tracking: (verb) to follow along, have a general understanding about
ex: (Him:) You remember that I will be in the field next month? (Me:) Yes, I'm tracking.

roger: (exclamation) expressing message received and understood
ex: (Him:) Don't forget to insulate the outside faucets if it freezes while I'm away. (Me:) Roger.


Most of these terms I learned and adopted without too much guff, but there was one that I hated right off the bat:

dependent: (noun) Any person, regardless of age, abiding in the household of the military member
ex: (Them:) Are you the service member or the dependent of the household? (Me:)*insert eye roll*

It's not that anybody ever meant anything negative by the term. It is antiquated to be sure, but it was never intended to be offensive. The issue that I've been noticing lately, though, is that a title which used to sting and give rise to this fiery indignation in me has effectively worn me down--as words tend to do. Over the past decade, this silly term has changed me; it dulled me; perhaps I even let it weaken me.

As certain stereotypical nuances of the "dependent" title were assigned, some members of the military community have unfortunately birthed more derogatory off-shoots of the original:
"Dependa": (noun) Largely directed toward females; a military spouse who presumably derives all identity and livelihood from her service member.
"Dependa-potamus": (noun) as above, only more hurtful and stupid
I'm not giving any examples here, because they are not helpful.

I do not work outside the home right now by choice. Maybe I will again one day, but very purposefully, not this day. So yes, I do count on my husband's paycheck. And I do sometimes speak the language even though I don't work the job. And my life is directly affected by this job every day, even though I didn't raise my hand and take the oath--and so now some big parts of my own identity are wrapped up in this military lifestyle too.
That does not make me dependent or any derogatory variation thereof.
It just makes me a teammate.

I am just as involved in my household, finances, child-rearing, relationship, and life goals as I would be if I were on someone's payroll. In my house, my advice is just as highly considered. My responsibilities are just as lofty.
I promise you, my family is just as dependent on me as I am on them. That is what being a member of a team is about.

The titles we assign to each other--and to ourselves--matter.

(And it's why we were given such a great one!)

"I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other." (John 15:17)

Friend, what have you been calling yourself lately that is not so lovely?
(Or maybe, what have you called someone else that wasn't helpful?)

Make it right.
Give it another name. One that's better and true.
Included. Chosen. Appointed. Friend.

Strong.
Resilient.
Capable.
Valued.
Fiery.

Dependent? Yes, every day. But on Christ alone.




(And, you know, also on my antiquated military ID.) Fix it, Uncle Sam :/