Choice Words

Words have a pretty lasting effect on me.
(Go figure, huh?)


Not very long after my husband and I had started living together, we were watching t.v. and a commercial for a certain cleaning product came on.
The main character was a housewife, and after she kissed her family and sent them on their merry way, she spent the day reading a magazine, going shopping, and meeting her friends for lunch. Then she hurried home right before her family, sprayed some deodorizer in the air, and settled in to receive the compliments for the "good work" she had done.
My husband simply said,
"Yeah, that won't be a thing."

That's it--a passing comment about a silly commercial that he probably doesn't even remember he made. (A commercial that the producers of the cleaning product probably don't even remember that they made.)
It shouldn't have made any impression on me at all, but the whole thing has resonated with me for years and years. (Over a decade now, to be exact.) I have a fair amount of guilt if I do something leisurely while my family is out for the day. I have a fair amount of guilt if I don't get certain housekeeping chores done while my family is out for the day. *I even have a fair amount of guilt if I use that dumb cleaning product!!*
My husband's fleeting commentary about that one commercial has strongly dictated how I spend my day as a homemaker.



Then I moved into this house with these stupid floors that never seem to get clean.
They bothered me enough all on their own, but then our sweet neighbor girl came to visit. She stood in the entryway waiting for my daughter to tie her shoes so they could run off to play, and simply said,
"My mom won't let us have dogs that shed, because they make the floors too dirty."

That's it--a passing comment from a sweet little girl about dogs. It shouldn't have made an impression on me at all. But now whenever she comes over to ask my daughter to play, I find myself scanning the floors for dog fluff. (I maybe have even begun running a vacuum over the entry area after I sweep it, just to be sure I've gotten it all.)
A little girl's fleeting commentary about what her mama thinks has strongly dictated what I do in my own house.



Now I realize that these confessions make me look like I'm a crazy person who should get a grip. (And clearly, I should.)
But I felt the need to share these things with you anyway, because maybe for the first time ever, I see that
it might not be the words that have such a lasting effect on me, but the opinions that generate them.


I want my husband to think that what I do around the house all day is worthwhile.
I want my neighbors to think that my home is an acceptable place for their children to come and build Lego creations on the floor at whim.

(I want people to read this blog post and see an insightful, self-aware woman instead of an insecure person who let a little girl get in her head.)

I don't know if it's because I move around all the time and constantly need new sources of validation; or because I chose to be a stay-at-home-mom in the age of female empowerment; or because I moved back onto a military installation where everyone's houses are lined up right next to each other looking exactly the same, except for the dumb blank plot of soil that forces you to showcase your individuality and abilities solely via your gardening skills...
I just want to be accepted.

And it's dictating how I hear people.
And it's dictating what I think about.
And it's dictating how I live.

I've fallen into an easy trap, friends. (And perhaps I'm not alone in here.)
Fortunately, there is a way out.

We just need to trade one set of words for another.

Words that say it doesn't matter how you keep your home, but who you keep in it. (Luke 10:38-42)
Words that say it doesn't matter how you present yourself to your neighbor, but how you treat them. (Mark 12:30-31)
Words that say you don't have to seek approval, because you have already been accepted. (Romans 5:8)

And the thing is, these words will have the same effect as the others:
They will dictate how we hear people. (James 1:19)
And they will what we think about. (Phillipians 4:8)
And they will dictate how we live. (Romans 12:2)

(But I'm guessing it will be a lot less crazy-sounding when you try to tell people about it a decade later.)

Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.
(Proverbs 29:25)

Let's choose our words wisely.